Sunday, July 31, 2016

HOW TO QUARREL WITH YOUR SPOUSE


And we're three!


Apparently, the first two years of married life is supposed to be 'honeymoon' years. You think the world of one another and you go on dates once a week, on average. Then, the third year comes around and it's the same old face in the mornings. She doesn't bother lifting the toilet seat anymore, and he doesn't walk out of the room to fart. That is when things are meant to get a little, shall we say, frustrating.

We just celebrated our Third Wedding Anniversary the Wednesday before last. Here's my take on marriage, the third year. Or as per the blog title, How to Quarrel with your Spouse.


People do ask me if J.G. and I ever quarrel. We certainly did the full works, where quarrels are concerned. Cold wars. Phone slamming. Text spamming. Vulgarities. Shouting and screaming. Crying. Walking off. And I think, there might have might one (two?) occasions where I was so angry that I bit him.

Point is, even though we rarely argue, its inevitable that we do. We are different individuals, who love each other, but alas different. Since we have to quarrel, here's how we've decided to do it -



1. Keep the trivial matters trivial

If it's really a small matter, don't harp on it. Is it really worth getting angry about, that he forgot to roll the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube? Or that she did not bring her house keys (again)?

Most domestic arguments are sparked off by the tiniest, most insignificant issues. Let us keep the petty matters small, as they should be.

2. Don't repeat, just do it

Could you please do the dishes? Five minutes later. Are you going to do the dishes? Another five minutes later, I thought you were going to do the dishes?!

If he said he will do it, let him do it. If it irks you that much, and you had time to nag, get up and do it yourself. Problem solved!

3. Avoid these words

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Yeah right.

Especially so in a marriage, hurtful words often create the biggest wounds and take the longest to heal. During pre-marital counselling, we were taught to do everything we could to avoid these words in an argument and we still think it's the wisest marriage advice we've received to date.

'Never' - You never bother to help, you never listen etc.
'Always' - You always forget, you are always on your phone etc.
'You' - see above examples

Even without explanation, I believe you can see how damaging these words can be in a heated argument. 'Never' and 'always' make statements absolute and therefore, it's most likely going to be untrue. The use of the finger-pointing 'you' immediately makes you the victim and puts all the blame on the other person, again this is most probably going to be untrue as both parties would have had a part to play.

Instead, you might want to share (when you've both calmed down) how you ('I') was hurt and by what action. Rather than focus on the person you are mad at, turn your attention to explaining what hurt you and therefore, how that can be avoided in future.

4. Stop. Think. Speak.

We become really ugly people when we shoot our mouths off and say whatever comes to mind. Most of the time, when we look back, we would regret majority of what was said. So even if we are fuming at each other for whatever reason, we hardly ever attempt to 'talk it through' there and then. Often times, in our waiting for each other to cool down, we forget what we were angry about in the first place. Other times, we process things after both parties have had an opportunity to think things through, and that little time we give ourselves to think has truly been a game changer.

5. Never bring your anger to bed

Enough said.

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To end off this post on a lighter note, here's a list of the five things which most annoys us about each other:


Image source: Pinterest


What I do
1. Squeezing to his side of the bed (Super King sized, FYI)
2. Rolling myself into a ball with the comforter, leaving him freezing in the middle of the night
3. Messing up the entire kitchen doing my recipe 'experiments'
4. Forcing him to help me take an OOTD at every white wall I see
5. Complaining he's put on weight, while simultaneously shoving food I cannot finish onto his plate

What he does
1. Saying "I'll do it later"
2. Saying "I was planning to do it later"
3. Burping in an enclosed environment (or in my face)
4. Refusing to look at the manual when putting IKEA furniture together
5. Leaving five pairs of shoes / slippers right outside the shoe cabinet

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What are some of the things your husband / wife does that irritates you the most?

Hope you're having a wonderful rested weekend!

Grateful,
Amy


1 comment:

  1. Refusing to switch off the bathroom light after use.

    😆

    ReplyDelete